KSM: Personal Account (Zhu Sha)

Note: I decided to translate V4 on a whim. Unfortunately, I am not officially picking up the series, as it is not something I can currently commit to with my current time and resources. I would be willing to share the Glossary I have to anyone that would like to pick up the series. For more details about why the series was dropped, read my previous post here.

I sincerely hope that this series gets picked up. If possible, please promote this series as much as you can (NUF is a great place to start), to show translators out there that this series has great potential and a dedicated fanbase. As a reminder, there is also an extensive Spoilers thread on NUF for those interested.

You can read all the older chapters on GiraffeCorps (linked below).

Disclaimer: I do not own 沉月之鑰 nor do I make profit off of it. All rights for this novel belong to the original author, 水泉. The only thing that I own are my translations. Please do not re-post this content anywhere, and if possible, support the author by buying her books!

Just a warning, I didn’t edit or do a second check of this with the book due to lack of time, so there may be some mistakes.

Translated by: TaffyGirl13

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Personal Account:  Zhu Sha

I was born into a very large clan in a chaotic and dark world—a self-centered place. Starting from the moment I was born, the only thing I could possess without any conditions attached was my name; all other life necessities, the resources to grow, were all exchanged using my life from that day onwards.

Our clan did not emphasize intimacy. The only people that they would acknowledge were those that they believed were talented. As a result, innate talent was the condition for us to live. Hard work was a method to invest in afterwards. They always said that nurturing our talent would be a payment in advance to our hard work later when we became adults. Being born in a clan like this meant we needed to first learn how to discern reality. Before repaying the debt to the entire clan, we had no right to make any requests. Thus, I could only obey the rules and work hard to learn about various things and earn myself more “value”.

In that world, every person had two genders. All of us children with the same biological form called each other comrades. I had never heard of the terms brother or sister until I came to this magical world. We did have terms similar to husband and wife, father and mother as well, but the meanings weren’t quite the same. We mainly used the terms to differentiate the weaker and stronger of the partners, as well as the differences between the individual’s external and internal states.

My parents’ position in my clan was not low. They strongly doted on me because my progress in my studies showed bright prospects. Even the clan leader praised me before. My performance records, my training results, and the special treatment from my elders all automatically made me feel some pride in my heart, and I subconsciously hoped to train even faster so that I could use more skills. The clan could then rely heavily on me and send me out on challenging missions…Nobody ever tried to advise against this mindset, nobody told me not to rush. They would only encourage me to keep trying hard because they wanted to see the next generation grow quickly, regardless of whether or not this growth brought on danger as well.

Our clan was an assassin organization. In such a chaotic world, we he;d a very important position because of various demands for power. Thus, the disputes from the chaos of war were ceaseless. Everyone had long since become numb to the [significance of] human lives. Only people with talent were worthy of having importance attached to their lives. However, once such a person died, nobody would give them a second glance. As a result, while improving one’s own value, it was also necessary to properly protect one’s life. Yet this was a point I had seemed to overlook, which was the reason I did not discover the drawback with greedily and impatiently pursuing advanced studies. This led to me giving away my own life due to a critical mistake that occurred while I was executing instant teleportation when I had still not grasped it clearly. My life had basically still been at the starting stages; nothing had even begun yet.

I had not been able to step outside our clan’s fort more than a few times, I hadn’t found out what level my own strength could reach after stable growth, and I still hadn’t found my life partner…

Although I could not come back to life, as my unwillingness and will to live mixed together, my life continued on in a strange way. I arrived at an unfamiliar world and gained a new identity. It was like saying I could start anew, but I was at least still myself. Even though there wasn’t any hint of a person I recognized in this world, I did not feel lonely. As for the people from my original world, I didn’t particularly feel any remorse towards them. Perhaps it was the consequence of the lesson from their self-centered discipline.

After dying once, I reconsidered my life direction and believed that I should make an adjustment. This world seemed extremely peaceful. Although there were still a rank system that seemed to be based on strength, it sounded like even useless people could gain food and dwelling. Studies were also free.  It felt as if there was a certain level of freedom.

I knew that logically speaking, it was those with extremely high levels that would get snared by the country, unable to escape their fate of giving their life for the country. Moreover, New Residents were like second-class residents in Eastern City, with even less likelihood of being independent. As a result, if I wanted to properly live my own life, I would have to raise my rank to gain benefits while also not drawing too much unnecessary attention. That would be the best option.

There were many interesting things in this world and learning was never a loss. I wanted to silently absorb my studies and live a pressure-less and comfortable life. However, I figured that Fuzhou studies that did not match my character could be ignored. I believed that just mastering Shufa and Wushu would be very hard already. Adding another Fuzhou to increase the difficulty would not be beneficial.

In addition, the residents in this world seemed to form groups to move about. This was clear just from seeing the dorm arrangements of putting multiple people to live together in one space. I assumed that this was also something that I needed to adapt to. Peacefully interacting with others wasn’t hard as long as they did not overstep my boundaries.

Before I had seen my roommates, I had naturally thought about the people that would eventually live together with me. The people arrived while I was showering. Although I was somewhat unhappy about people randomly opening the door and seeing my body, that tiny bit of unhappiness vanished the moment I went out and saw them.

There was one of the roommates that had nothing much to speak of. He was just an average person, and I had no interest in average people regardless of his appearance. However, the other roommate made my eyes light up. Even though he hid it well, making it impossible to see anything, my instincts were very sharp. He was definitely an expert, one stronger than me at that.

Seeing that he had a white tassel, I was afraid he had just arrived. Since I had discovered such an amazing talent here, my mood instantly improved. Of course, I wouldn’t let them discover anything.

His looks were the type I liked, there was nothing to pick over. His personality was different from the people back in my original world. The strong people there would never be too modest or polite. His gentle attitude therefore seemed very refreshing to me, and I had the thought to take a step further in our relationship.

After all, good partners were hard to find. He was probably the one with the best traits I had ever seen. As I observed him more over time, I grew more certain that I was interested in him.

At that time, I still didn’t know that it was common for everyone to come from worlds with only individual genders. As a result, when I learned of the truth, it was truly a hard blow to me. Yue Tui’s female appearance actually didn’t exist. I had even imagined him having long hair and short hair, a petite or slender figure. In the end, he was only male?

Moreover, he shrank away from my female appearance. It seemed as if he liked Fan Tong more?

For a period of time, I was considerably troubled. Was I to give up on Yue Tui because he couldn’t turn into a female? But all the people in this world were like this. Even if I found another female, she would not be able to turn into a male. No matter what, I could not get the best of both worlds. What could I do then?

Thus, the pursuit that should have progressed instead regressed back to observation mode. Yet the more I watched him, the more I talked with him, I discovered that I was truly interested in him. It was extremely challenging to find an expert that fit my tastes. For example, Lord Yin Shi’s brain was too much, Lord Ling Shi’s looks were over-the-top. In addition, I hadn’t yet encountered any woman that moved my heart. It seemed like Yue Tui was still the only one.

In the world of my previous life, while both people had to feel positively about each of the other person’s genders before becoming partners, it would be only one person here no matter what. Feelings of love for each other usually did not distinguish gender. Thus, even if he didn’t have a female appearance, I could still accept him.

I thought that if I didn’t properly hold onto this target, it would be too much of a shame if someone else stole him away.

Throughout my entire life, my clan had a discipline that had always been engraved into my heart: One must personally steal what one desires to have. I agreed very much with this teaching. However, I had already seduced and confessed. I seriously could not figure out whether it was any use at all. Based on that terrified look of his, it seemed he didn’t like it. However, it also seemed like he responded to it. It’s truly confusing.

Since I never forgot that I had come to a new world and the past codes were no longer that appropriate, I could only change my attitude of trying to maintain a powerful bearing. I believed that I still had some good qualities that could attract others if I used them accurately.

Before that, I also wanted to figure out why exactly he liked Fan Tong so much. The men in this world should have liked females, I was sure. If the fortunes drawn during Chinese New Year were right, it would be amazing. As for the three requests I had partially forced out from him, I had already used one, and would need to carefully consider how to use the remaining two.

I would not use this kind of childish promise to ask him to date me. This was like losing. I refused to believe that I lacked the charm to have him voluntarily nod.

Based on my deductions, Fan Tong wasn’t my only love rival. There was Bi Rou too.

Why were the targets he had feelings for all people that I could not admire? This world was truly a strange one.

Fan Tong, the incoherent freeloader VS. Bi Rou, that flat chested and smitten woman filled with thoughts of another man. In what way were either of them better than me?

In contrast, Fan Tong reacted more to my female appearance, which was really depressing.

I had no problem with Yue Tui liking females or males. But if I had to turn into someone like Fan Tong or Bi Rou, it would be a bit difficult. I hoped that his foresight would get better.

They seemed to all have their own things on their minds. In comparison, I was just feeling worried about feelings of affection, which should be quite simple.

If he did not like using his body to communicate, then I would try to see if I could slowly nurture our feelings together.

If Yue Tui ultimately still did not like me…Hm, he just shuddered and looked over here. He really does have sharp senses.

Actually, it’s not like I’ll harass him. At most, I’ll just use the remaining requests to have him find me a good partner.

But will there really be a partner in this world that I’ll be more satisfied with than Yue Tui?

I’m afraid there won’t be. So, for the sake of my new life in this world, it’s still best if I keep a tight hold.

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